I have never mourned the death of someone. When people talk to me about dead relatives or friends I don’t understand them. I’ve had a great deal with death in my past to the point where I believe I’ve been desensitized. A few weeks ago… My girlfriend’s grandma passed on and I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t empathize with her. I couldn’t show support. In my mind all I thought about was… move on. Nothing you can do anymore.
Two nights ago, my cat Charlie went out the window into the backyard and got attacked by the dogs. I don’t believe they tried to kill him but they injured him really bad. We got him back in but the damage was done. He was dying… I’m sure he had a punctured lung as well as a few broken ribs. I drove to the animal hospital but poor cat didn’t make the trip. He died in my little brothers arms. Throughout the whole event I was calm and collected. I didn’t feel anything. Even when the cat died…. I was normal. He passed on. Now let’s move on. The next morning my little brother and I went on on a 30 minute hike to find a place to bury him. As we were burying him… That’s when it finally kicked in. I felt a sense of despair, a sense of loss. I swear it was overwhelming… I had not felt something like this in my life. But in that moment I lost it and I also kept thinking of all memories dealing with death and I got worse. It was as if though my brain had blocked all emotion for many years and had just now come to light.
Moving on to tonight… I still look at the couch where the cat would usually be only to realize he’s not there. He’s gone. I think I finally understand how everyone else feels when they lose someone. I’ve had cats die on me before… even when my grand father died I didn’t feel anything. This time however… i felt something I’ve never felt before. Maybe I’m becoming human once again. I don’t know. But whatever it is. I like it. I like being able to feel again. Whether it’s good or bad.
In any case…
Goodbye, Charlie. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you on time.
moment when your dad thinks you’ve become a gay gigolo.
… -_- wow total mindfuck xD
However… it’s not something out of his nature. Deep down I believe he himself has some sort of gay tendencies that he’s never gotten out. Or maybe he’s just scared to find out? I have no idea. All I know is… I want pie!